'Namaste and welcome all of you. Good of you all to come over for a healthy session of "chai pe charcha". Sorry, no green black white or any foreign tea, just the world famous Assam, Darjeeling and Orange Pekoe from India,' said the Supreme Leader. All those who walked in had a smile on their face.
'Your speech today was superb. What a fitting reply to that Mickey Mouse trying to play with you, our "Babbar-sher's" tail. Even my fiery and dramatic speech was bland and lustreless in comparison to yours,' said the Minister who once ruled on television.
'Dear Holy Basil in Hindi, you are being too kind. Your speech was a fine example of how each of my cabinet members should defend our team. Yes, you did get carried away offering the opposition members your head and challenging them to state your caste. Trust me, if your last name was "Karachiwalla" even our supreme council would have had a hard time accommodating you in the Party itself, leave alone offering you a ticket. Such melodrama works in a TV serial and not before a live audience that is clever enough to roast you alive. Never mind, mistakes do happen and we will groom you in the fine art of acting in politics. Not as easy as you think, mind it. That's why I have been requesting everyone that let me and few other experienced team members do the talking. But everyone wants to be on TV and offer sound bytes,' said the Supreme Leader with a smile of a sage on his face.
'Anyway, I think I gave the mother and son a piece of their own "Pushton ki Baat". Now they will have to do more studies to figure out what's really my "Mann ki Baat" before coming over to disrupt Parliament sessions. Areee! Is it correct what I have heard? That Kapil Sharma, Vir Das and AIB want slots on Loksabha channel? Please tell them to invite that boy and not me on their shows. He is a natural. Wonder who he got his whacky sense of humour from?'
'Forget all this "Parliamentbaazi". PC, I am so very proud of you. I am so happy that the rupee and markets have reacted so positively to your Budget speech. It feels like I have cleared my own Board exams. At last, the Country believes that we shall have the "acche din" that we promised,' the Supreme Leader said with a smile.
'Err! I am not PC. He was the ex-FM. I am...'
'But Of course, I know who you are,' the Supreme Leader interrupted. 'By PC, I meant my Personal Consultant. Just to be clear, you all know my present Chief Consultant will always be the one who is. Yes, I understand your confusion over PC. Everyone thought your speech was written by that PC or that PM, no not MMS but the one appointed as the figurehead of this Country, and don't ask me why. But back to the point, the strategy worked. The opposition had no chance of skewering us because we gave it exactly what they would like to hear from their own team members. We did not give them a chance to call us the "Suit boot ki Sarkar" or anti "Jai Jawan Jai Kissan" or uncaring of the "aam aadmi" or whoever that will matter to us in 2019. All our plans are based on us being around in power for at least 10 years so it is important that we keep that objective in our minds at all times. Is that clear? '
Nods from all.
'All credit to you, Sirji. It must be a new record of some kind, killing a dozen or more birds with one stone. Even Rajni would find it difficult if not impossible achieving this feat:
First, you allowed me to put the opposition on the back foot by instructing me to promote schemes started by it. What an idea Sirji to fox the opposition completely. You publicly criticise MNGERA as a failure and then allow me to fund it as a magnanimous gesture to me as I believe in it too.'
'PC, you heard my speech. It is a good scheme that had gone bad. I am sure all our efforts will revive it. Go on.'
'Thank you Sirji. Second and third, you instructed me to gift tonnes of benefits to both the "Babus" and "Badmashes" with generous allowances to the former and billions in road contracts to the latter. Now they cannot complain that they are not in for real "Acche Din". Am I right?'
'Yes, these two evils need to be kept happy if we want our work done,' the leader responded leaving all in the room guessing at what he really meant.
'Going forward. Fourth and fifth, generosity to the farmer and common man. The farmer will be too busy figuring out how to claim his subsidies to contemplate suicide and the common man on how to claim his tax breaks to get involved in street politics. Both don't realise that we are giving them back what we have taken from them through the additional cess being levied on whatever they consume. It's a smart way of potty training them to pay taxes which otherwise they don't. Indirect taxes are the only way out even though the other sections of Society hate us for it now. I hope the middle-class tax payers don't start asking us for some kind of reservation now.'
'Ha ha ha PC. Reservations "se yaad aaya", ever since these startups have made train bus and plane reservations simple this Country is facing withdrawal symptoms of some kind to be asking for one form of preservation or the other.'
'Cough! Cough! Sixth, the Jawans are happy that we have finally given them "OROP". They truly deserve it and we are lucky that low oil prices are allowing us to create a fund for it.
Seventh, the foreigners wanting to invest in our great Country are happy that we are ready to forgive and forget the past abuse of our laws. We also gave them reasons to believe that in years to come, the taxes affecting them will drop lower and lower. Now the world will hear the roar of our "Make in India Babbar -Sher".
Eight, the super rich are bloody happy that you have provided them with a window of opportunity to apply... He! He! He! fair and lovely cream to their black money with a minimal penalty and no punitive action from our side. The problem is what do we do with the "King of Great Times"? The banks are calling for his arrest, and if that happens, the people and opposition may soon ask for other such big defaulters to join the "Rich Boys Club" in Tihar. Should we make an example of him?'
Not getting any response, continued 'nine, the markets are delighted that despite all the generosity to the deserving and undeserving, we will still keep the deficit and inflation numbers in check while maintaining the GDP to a near 8% number. It will put my namesake at the Central Bank at ease to reduce interest rates and give a botox boost to the debt markets. The guy has forced the public sector banks to come clean thereby allowing the banks to reclassify non-recognizable capital towards recapitalization. He is truly a "Lambi race ka Ghoda", just like me. Now, how do I convince him that the deficit will be kept in check without resorting to complicated math and bookkeeping?
Ten, even the Real Estate guys should be smiling now that the DDT tangle on REITs has been sorted. I just hope they make truly affordable houses and not indulge in finding ways and means to be creative in selling flats by the room to keep below the 30-60 radar and misuse the provisions.
Eleven, we made sure that the entrepreneurs and professionals in the middle class are kept happy with really great new provisions in the tax laws. These guys will certainly vote for us in the next elections.
Finally, Twelve, you allowed me to let loose the lizard's tail on that inconsequential salaried middle-class bunch of taxpayers. They are perpetually unhappy with anything we do for them and keep criticising and slamming us on social media. So we let them do their bit and reverse a few bitter pills to hand them a hollow victory to please them. Don't they understand that we have no choice in the matter if this Nation has to be put on the right rails? In years to come they will enjoy clean energy cars to be driven on world class roads, air connectivity anywhere in the Country, better ports, better..... '
The Supreme leader had dozed off just like many had when the budget speech was delivered. He had a smile on his face like that of a child having a sweet dream after hearing a beautiful fairy tale, one dear to his own "mann ki baat" and his own "acche din".
Disclaimer: The story, all names, characters, and incidents stated in this blog are fictitious though inspired by real events. No identification with actual persons, places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.
My personal view. It's actually a great budget but with too many grey areas for misuse. It's a budget of many wills:
Will the poor farmer really get the promised subsidy?
Will the builders abuse the "tax-free" privilege for building small affordable homes by what is called "creative selling"?
Will the infrastructure contracts be awarded to the best or become a money making syphoning exercise?
Will the government be able to contain the deficit and inflation - especially food inflation that has gone through the roof?
Will the bureaucracy function better and become less corrupt with the largeness shown? Corruption has gone up not down even in the BJP run States.
On the other hand, where there is a will there is always a way, even to groom this Nation into a fair and lovely one.
Some interesting articles:
- See more at: http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-news-india/modis-black-money-amnesty-is-fair-lovely-scheme-rahul-gandhi-in-lok-sabha/#sthash.4obgco0K.dpuf
Mar 03, 2016 at 11:10
No comments:
Post a Comment